The Macabre Waltz

Home, sweet home..

Things not to say to a halfling

Been a minute since I’ve ’ad a chance to reflect ’pon things…

Can’t say I was in much ‘urry to get back ta’ Sharn, though ’at’s not ta’ say jungles and “neck-ro-manca’s” made for a pleasant stay in Xen’drek, eitha’. ’Adn’t been out of Sharn much before, fact, nor out on the sea.

I’m not sure I’m to fond ‘a ships, come to think of it. Seein’ as I’ve been ‘avin’ ‘ese wild dreams, sailing pro’bly ain’t quite what this halflings’s cut out for. Grey skies, black shadows, and that girl.. Why was she there? The rest of us were there, even ol’ stumpy, but she seemed diff’rent… out ‘a place…. an’ afraid.

Wakin’ up in cold sweats’s enouf’ ta’ shake ‘a stout man, but then seein’ her?! On the same bloody boat?! Her white, dead eyes sent ‘a legitimat’ chill down my spine, hear? Those eyes ain’t truly dead, though. Fact, quite the opposite, reckon. ‘olds ’erself quite proper, too. She’s important, alright, I just ’adn’t figured out how by the time we reached shore..

It was kind ‘a nice ’a ol’ Bronn, rest ‘is soul in the darkest grips of whateva’ plane be most unpleasant, ta’ gatha’ a nice, big welcomin’ part-ee for us, the humble servants tis us. Quite unkind, and quite foolish, to insult a respectable halfling such as myself, though. ‘For anyone knew what had happen’d, ‘is ’ead was cocked back with a dagga’ in his eye. ‘Tis a lesson he ain’t livin’ to regret, mind you.

Unfortunately, that’s not the end of that fight.. Sure, your watchman might run when ol’ sarge slumps ova’ in a blink, but these were Shields, mate. These gents were the King’s men, an’ I suppose most anyone would ‘ave laid their weapons down an’ surrendered, but I also suppose we’re not just anyone…

Great fighters these men were, but wearin’ ‘eavy armor on a narrow dock ain’t exactly bright. You’d call it dirty fightin’, Jess, but I say we were just usin’ any advantage available to us. (Falco grins)

Now, ‘aving survived that ordeal, as free men, no less, we ’ad to fig-a (figure) that we weren’t gonna be too well liked ‘round Sharn, anymore. I know Carric can pull strings, but dead King’s men are dead King’s men. Speakin’ of Carric, ‘course the agency was the first place we went. We didn’t find much there, seein’ as how it ’ad been raided.

Can you imagine that? Wanted for murda’ of knights, your only good connection in the city is missing, or maybe dead, and we ain’t got a fucking clue as to where to go next. It sounds more unbelievable than some of the tales you ‘ear in taverns from men with too much in ’is gut and not enouf’ in ’is ’ead.

The only choice I ‘ad was to try an’ tap an ol’ thievin’ connection ‘a mine, or atleast make someone else believe I ’ad. Suppose I’m quite fortunate ‘at halfling’s are as common as we are here, ‘specially in my former trade. Doubly fortunate ’at my face ain’t quite so recognized anymore, eitha’. Bein’ a new found masta’ of deceit ‘elped alit’le, as well. I swear I’m not enjoyin’ this lifestyle as much as you think.. (Falco chuckles to himself)

I was able to get us passage out of Sharn, real quick and quiet. On a lightning rail, anotha’ first for me, but not quite the way I imagined ridin’, packed behind a crate ‘a fruit. I’ve been in worse, sure, but that ain’t mean I lack standards…

We rode for a day or so without much trouble, ‘til we reached Thrane, where ol’ stumpy got us out ‘a trouble, for once. The dwarf’s knack for dishonesty and half-truths is admirable. He’d a make a fine rogue in another life, fact.

Luck is always ‘a double-edged blade, though, and he who succeeds is bound to fail. Just when we thought we might be in the clear and most stops are behind us, we feel the train lurch to a halt in the middle of bloody nowhere. Well, were in not for the fey girls new wing contraption, we wouldn’t have known where we were, or the trouble headed for our car.

My first thought was to hide, ’course I then remember how stumpy faired with that ’afore. My next thought would have been to run, though that damn dwarf had other ideas…

I suppose I forgot to mention the boat we may have semi-hijacked on the way to Xen’drek. Or the elemental bond within it that we set free. Honestly, some of these people cannot be trusted ‘round modern transportation, mark me. Suppose it then goes without sayin’ that we can add a hijacked lightning rail to the list, then. Oh, and the fact that we’re pro’bly now some of the most wanted folks in Breland after killing a handful of King’s Swords now, as well. It might also be important to note that the same lightning rail is charging forward at what I was fig-a is full speed and us with naught a clue to stop it…

Suppose this might be funny if it wasn’t so bloody ironic…



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